San Diego has been good to us- individually and together. It has a melting pot culture combined with breathtaking scenery that has provided me with the perfect atmosphere to evolve from an awkward and doubtful girl to a confident and determined young woman. As the clock keeps ticking on my countdown to thirty, I find myself with thoughts that I would assume most grownups often think. I daydream further than five years forward, I know that what I want might not necessarily be what is best for us, and I’m almost comfortable imagining a mini-us without my heart rate doubling. I will always save a spot in my heart for America’s Finest City, but I have to admit that it has lost a bit of its charm. The novelty of endless sunny days has long worn off and I can no longer stomach the keepin’ it fresh, livin’ the dream, never-never-land mentality. I do want to grow up…and I want to do it amidst some real weather, damnit!
After we got married in January, our perspectives shifted and we decided we were ready to move on. We just didn’t know where to go. We came up with a few maybe places, but Missouri was nowhere on that list. It wasn’t until we were home for our wedding reception that we visualized a life back home. It was this trip home, after seven years of trips home, that I was able to appreciate Farmington instead of resent it. Farmington started to look to me like San Diego looked to me almost a decade ago- full of opportunities I could never have where I currently reside. In fear of jinxing it, I’d rather not disclose the intimate details of our plan, but I can say that by this time next year we will be homeowners. I can say that our lifelong dream of being our own boss is undoubtedly coming true.
“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again,
I won't look any further than my own backyard,
because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”
Initially, the plan was to stack our cash for a couple of years before we moved, but with watching the decline of an already horrible California economy, realizing the rapid depletion of my patience for the rude and ridiculous requests of my fishy clientele, and placing a silly wager on the World Series-we’ve decided that sooner is much better than later. We will be here long enough to get ourselves organized, create a little nest egg, and of course catch Ani Difranco at the House of Blues, but very close to the decade anniversary of our very first kiss in April of 2002, we will embark on the journey of our ‘next bold move’.
I am already experiencing mixed emotions, and expect for them to rollercoaster as the next five months progress. On paper, I’ve done very little while in San Diego (and barely LA), but I will depart The Golden State feeling quite accomplished. I’ve been very lucky to meet amazing people that I will always keep in my life. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my karmic disposition, my somewhat altruistic personality, my lack of a ferocious ego, and my refusal to alter any of those things, make me an impossible candidate for the Hollywood spotlight. And most importantly- I’ve rediscovered myself. Yes, I will be very sad to say goodbye. Yes, I will sometimes question my sanity about it. In the end, it is simply time to evolve.
“..when San Diego got too unkind,
we just picked up and left it behind,
and we had some love and some hope,
a full tank of gas and a wide open road,
it was love- to us, it was all that we had.”